Friend Jokes

Once my friend's bakery burned down... His business is toast.

I have a friend who has no arms, her name is Suzy. I always tell her this one knock knock joke, "Knock Knock!" "Who's there?" Not Suzy.

A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows. "What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.

"Not a bunch, a herd," her friend replied.

"Heard of what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Of course I've heard of cows."

"No, a cow herd."

"What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

Why could she not get back up? Because she had no friends.

Knock knock? Who's there? Not Susie...

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

So, my dad was drinking, so he was drunk, and I was sad. But can you be my friend, please?

My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.

I said “40.”

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

I told my friend to look at the clock, then I said, "Is this a bad time?"

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

A guy cut me in the lunch line. After that, a rock was thrown at him by my friend.

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!

My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"

My blind friend got ran over by a parked car.

Last night I remember partying with friends to find blood on my nightstand.

Moments after, I scolded my friends to put my alarm clock back where they found it.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

My friend asked, "What's that on your arm?" I replied, "Oh, this? I didn't have enough storage on my phone to download Fruit Ninja so I had to improvise a little bit."