I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read
me to my friend: i only date suicidal girls my friend: why?? me: because that pussy is limited edition
My friend asked me to round up here 37 sheep.
I said “40”
Friends are like penguins.
If you stab a penguin, they die.
10 Fun Facts 1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breath through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 6. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 7. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 8. You skipped number 5. 9. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 10. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each were granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said "i wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "im lonely i wish my friends were back here."
My frien liam has a hairline [if you can even call it a hairline] so bad it keeps going back for miles.
I called prank called someone saying SON! ITS ME SON! IM COMING FOR YOU!!! my friend next to me asked who i was calling and I said the orphanage
girl: hey. orphan; hi girl; wanna be friends? orphan: sure girl:ok and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over
Anybody know a girl named Candice? she just added me on snap
My friend said why do you have depression there is so much happiness in the world and I said why do you have asma there is so much air in the world
"Why don't you want to taco 'bout it?" "Cause I'm nacho friend anymore."
What's the worse thing about having a congolese friend?
He always needs a hand.
Two guys are on the playground one guys says too the other “did you know that Hellen Keller had a play ground in her backyard” the other guy said “no” the first guy says “neither did she
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said go look in a mirror. I said thank you.
friend 1: I don't want to jump. friend 2: me neither .murderer: if you don't jump ill stab you. friend 1: jumps. friend 2: jumps. murderer. i didn't mean off the building friend 1: I know that i just pretended to jump to get rid of that guy
me: can i get ur mom number? friend: here u go: me: ohh strange i already had it.
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Friend: wana hear a joke
other Friend: sure
Friend: pussy
other Friend: i dont get it
Friend: and you never will
A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" "Of course" she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man's wife says "Thanks, it means a lot"
