Little Johnny was sitting in class one day, and the teacher was talking about life. The teacher asked him, "Little Johnny, how do you want your wife to be like?" Little Johnny answered, "Like the moon." The teacher said, "That's such a beautiful answer because it's calm and peaceful." Little Johnny replied, "No, because it appears at night and disappears in the morning."
Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Shrek thought he was ugly until he saw you.
i can relate
I'm like a broken refrigerator, cool but broken inside.
Your hairline is so far back I learned about it in history class.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
The happier they get, the less they see.
Like it if you judge people's hairlines.
Woah man, you need to take a step back. Your hairline did, so I am sure you can.
Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.
I was gonna roast you about your chin, but I didn't know which one to talk about.
Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.
I’m not saying you’re going bald, but you’ll find Waldo before you find your hairline.
Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.
What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and feel better.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
