A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine." Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon and now he wonβt be able to make it to Saw Con
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast.
I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The ...bastard.....used .....coins"
A Canadian, an American and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration, he spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything, I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get and yet he won't speak!".
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!".
Why don't nurse's like giving old people bath or showers Because they don't won't their vegetables to get soggy.
Riddler: riddle me this are you scared of the big black
person: Big black what
Riddler: ...
person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean
I asked the librarian if they haad any books on anxiety. She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
In the realm where words wander free, A tale unfolds, unbounded and carefree, Jayden, a curious soul, embarks on a quest, An enigmatic journey, where desires manifest.
Marching through the corridors of cyberspace, He delves into realms of passion and grace, With a click and a glance, a world awakes, As pixels dance, his curiosity takes.
In the dimly lit room, shadows play, Jayden surrenders to this clandestine display, A voyeur to fantasies, unspoken and raw, He gazes upon screens, an uncharted draw.
Whispers of temptation echo in his ears, As he navigates through fantasies and fears, The allure of the forbidden, an intoxicating call, Jayden's senses entangled, in a mesmerizing thrall.
But amidst the symphony of moans and sighs, A realization dawns, awakening his eyes, For behind the allure, a truth is revealed, In the depths of this world, a heart left concealed.
Within the flickering scenes of pleasure's masquerade, Lies a yearning for connection, a soul's crusade, Jayden, march forward, beyond the screens, Seek the embrace of love, where true beauty gleams.
For within the realm of flesh and bone, A deeper fulfillment can truly be known, In the tender touch, in the warmth of a kiss, Lies a bliss beyond pixels, a love that won't dismiss.
So, let Jayden march, with newfound grace, From the fantasies that once held his embrace, For the world awaits, with its wonders untold, Where love reigns supreme, a story yet to unfold.
regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist
Me: I'm depressed so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
If i don't get a partner for Christmas this year, mistletoe won't be the only thing hanging from the ceiling.
I raped a girl and I liked it I hope my girlfriend won't mind it It felt so wrong, it felt so right Don't mean I'm in love tonight
On Paxomedy channel I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting. I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dag down the issue it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch and that was the beginning of their fight and wierd enough the Cock won! I went to congratulate the winner but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldnt have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
