Husband: Dammit alice! I'm your husband and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you! Wife: Go to hell Bob! I'm Leaving! Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Whenever I go to bed, my wife disappears, but whenever I turn on the lights at night she’s back in bed
I have a riddle for u;
10 people are on a boat But they all die due to a tsunami except the captain Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat” Once he eats it, he starts crying Why?
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain. The email reads: „Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here“.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
My wife said if I rape her again she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet
One knight a guy asked his wife were she wanted to eat she said Chinese food so he flew her to china the next night he asked her what she wanted to eat she said Indian food so he flew her to India the last night he said what do you want to eat and she said she wanted nothing so he flew her to Africa
mate. my wife susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift? xx
Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realised I was in a rape museum
*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?
So this is how I got divorced. On my birthday my boss, who was a hot sexy woman who I have always had an eye on her huge ass and tits, wished me happy birthday and took me to her house. She went into the shower and came out dressed and this made me disappointed. But then she stripped off and made my dick go into her pussy and before I could realize I heard her main door creak. And in came my wife, mum and my 2 kids 8 years old and 12 years old. Although my wife joined in she was mad after since that was not my wife, that was my wife's twin sister. Do not know why woman these days are like this!!!!!!!!!!
HOW DID A MAN KNOW HIS WIFE DIED DISHIS START PILIENG UP
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents? My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that son.
A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
Wife: “How do I look?” Husband: “With your eyes.”
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife? He wiped.
