Newest Tree Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

What did the tree say to the depressed kid?

"Stop hanging around"

can we have sex because if we dont i cant like you big thick BOOTY! ;]*so lets have sex in bed you sexy woman or behind a tree because shoving my dick in your P***y is a very nice feeling while sucking your A*s

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence. What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote. "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair." Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year. Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry. What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush. Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls. If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off? What comes after 69? Mouthwash. What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!" Dear NASA: Your mom thought I was big enough. —Pluto Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything. What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you." What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died. What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out." What's the difference between a sex worker and a drug dealer? A sex worker could wash her crack and resell it. What are the three shortest words in the English language? "Is it in?" How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist. What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? "Beat it. We're closed." A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!" What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts." What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!" What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask for directions. What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? "It's not what it looks like." How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!" What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her. What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.

oh no my dad is
driving drunk someone
stop him!"
some random oak tree:

whats big and white and cant climb trees? a fridge

What do you call a depressed tree? A wood cutter

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No.1 pencils? 🤔

My entire family “TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!” Me “OH NO” 💀

1 like = 1 more child in my fryer 13 0 1

t thelittletimmy6 days ago 1 like = 1 more child in my blender 82 5 11

a andrewgrayson5 days ago Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jills candy But Jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock because Jills real name is Randy. 27 1 3

M MedievalJoker22 hours ago in America Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?!? 4 0 0

h heeeieo3sxedcv bnm10 hours ago When you call the middle eastern suicide hotline they ask you if you can fly a plane. 3 0 2

The Legend1 day ago Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils? 5 0 0

Staniel13 hours ago A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes." Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive." 3 0 2

Staniel14 hours ago Why did the sperm cross the road ———— because I put on the wrong sock today 3 0 0

TheForeverVirgin5 days ago 1 like=1 more orphan I dropkick 28 2 5

Anonymous1 day ago Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :) 4 0 0

Anonymous7 hours ago in Orphan what makes an orphan jump? A Bridge 2 0 1

G Goofy ah11 hours ago I. Have no dad no milk and no mom so that means no tits like if u can relate 2 0 1

A Alastor Already From Hell14 hours ago What’s the difference between Hitler and Steven Hawking?

Nothing, their both dead, one painted the walls and the other commuted suicide by pressing ALT + F4 2 0 0

C COLINGAMING2000915 hours ago A funny joke

knock knock "Whose there" who "who who" Ha who who you sound like an owl "fuck you" 3 1 1

Sandwichtheif16 hours ago Why can’t orphans play baseball?

He can’t find home 2 0 0

Cal3y3 days ago 1 like= 1 more child in my basement 9 2 0

Anonymous5 days ago in Orphan What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt me. 15 1 1

e easports3 days ago 1 like= 1 kids in the bed with me 8 2 3

Z Za_gotjokesss4 days ago My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt 7 0 0

G Goofy ah2 days ago +1 like=1 kid in my basment +1 comment =1 kid in my microwave +1 share =1 kid in my blender 3 0 14

1 2 3 4 5

Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?

The emo girl in my class did her photosynthesis project on a tree. Little did she know that would be her demise later on

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later? I said yea I was gonna hang there

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest. On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesnt experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place." So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his Re-seeding Heirline.