Newest Smoking Jokes - Page 2

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it

What do emo ids like to smoke

Marjiannakillmyself

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex. I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But, smoking bacon will cure it.

Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter

My Dad:,,Dont Smoke its very bad for your health" Also my Dad:

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?" Her mother smiled and replied: Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy tool the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so hight that we fucked without a condom!

Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke a little leaf,

Jack got high and dropped his fly,

and Jill said "Where’s The beef?"

VAPING IS ALSO BAD

DON'T SMOKE!
WHAT A JOKE!
Within 10 seconds of your first puff,
the toxic chemicals in tobacco
smoke reach your brain, heart and
other organs. Smoking harms
almost every part of your body and
increases your risk of many
diseases. Smoking also affects how
you look and feel, your finances and
the people close to you.
Smoking causes most lung
cancers and can cause
cancer almost anywhere
on the body.
Avg. Annual Deaths Attributable to Cigarette Smoking
In the United States, 2005-2009
Stroke 15,300 (4%)
Other
Diagnoses
56,800 (10%)
Chronic
Obstructive
Pulmonary
Disease
100,600 (21%)
As the nicotine levels in your body fade, your
brain craves more dopamine. The longer you
have been smoking, the more dopamine you
need to feel good. You become dependent on
nicotine.
Other Cancers
36,000 (8%)
X
More Than
479,989
US Deaths Attributable
Each Year to
Cigarette Smoking
The nicotine in tobacco is highly addictive. It makes
your brain release a chemical called dopamine.
Dopamine is a 'feel good' chemical that makes you
feel happy helps you to concentrate gives you more
energy.
Lung Cancer Stages
Lung Cancer
137,989 (29%)
Ischemic
Heart Disease
133,300 (28%)
CL
healthy lungs
early-stage cancer
late-stage cancer
Smoking is major cause of cardiovascular disease, such as heart
disease and stroke. Smoking increases the risk of blood clots,
which block blood flow to the heart, brain or legs. Some
smokers end up having their limbs amputated due to blood
circulation problems caused by smoking.

You. Me. Gas station. What are we getting for dinner? Sushi of course. Uh oh! There was a roofie in our gas station sushi. We black out and wake up in a sewer surrounded by fish. Horny fish. You know what that means. Fish orgy. The stench draws in a bear. What do we do? We're gonna fight it. Bear fight. Bare handed. Bare, naked? Oh, yes please. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl and ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese. Dance Dance Revolution. Revolution? Overthrow the government? Uh, I think so. Next thing you know, I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ. Then I turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out, which I didn't even know you could do. Then I smoked a joint, greened out. Then I turn into the sun. Uh oh! Looks like the meth is kicking in. aklfhaofhasfahfakh AAAAAAAAA afahfioahflkf AAAAA

A guy was doing bad things and died and went to hell.Demon: why you sad

Guy: I’m in hell can’t u see

Demon: will we have fun here at hell

Guy: really nice

Demon: we do sleeping in on Mondays

GuY:OoOoOo

Demon: Tuesdays we swim in out lava or dive in fire if u die you’re already dead ☠️

Guy: ok dose that meean I’m a ghost

Demon: no ur not a ghost

Demon:Wednesdays we do a dance party and smoke and drink 🍺

Guy: ooooooo i can’t wait 😜

Demon: Thursdays we drink all day until we throw up and die and ur already dead remember that

Guy: ok but I am dead and if I die again I was already dead right?

Demon: yup.

Demon: I have a question are you gay and do you like kissing fire girls and if u die u are already dead

Guy: Ummm I am not gay and I don’t like kissing fire girls 😱😱😱

Demon:then u won’t like Friday or Saturday or Sunday heheh.

Guy: I’m dead for real in the hell🪦🏴‍☠️☠️☠️💀

Hell helll helll R.I.P hell is gone for now

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."