Newest Lifetime Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever

My grandma has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime

But I got fired from that job

yo mama so ugly she got a lifetime ban from kfc for ordering too many burgers

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

The kid with a gun walked into my class room and fucking shot the teacher. He pointed the gun at me and asked,

"What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey at least he gets free food.

how often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?

Just once.

My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what's so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don't come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what's funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I'm done with school for a lifetime.

The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka ( holy spirit) is to control us , take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time! Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing thier big speach, thier excuse of them hiding this whole time. Lol, Surprise! Joke being on them. As we all stand there and are there to judge them. Doing what they said they were made for. Taking our eternal life back from satan and the devil and sending them to thier home they created themselves! HELL! P.S. With a little extra punishments !

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python? When they are hungry they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eat for a day, you give a man a language and he eat for a lifetime

My Grandpa Has the Heart of a Lion. and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

For you have a overdose on a drug and die, then the least half dose would be a lifetime supply.

I went on a one in a life time vacation never again

My friend: "Yo, stupid." Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?" My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever." Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."