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17. My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

18. Why did the man miss the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.

19. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

20. Want to know how you make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.

21. When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

Comments (395)

It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

I meant got but fucking auto correct

fleperd

It's been on my mind for a while so ima get it off it

Would it bother you if I were to call you chubby? HYPOTHETICAL QUESTION

Hamhurger Germany

It's a place in Germany

I js saw a mf on tiktok fry ramen

Am I supposed to not boil it

You are very picky

You said yesterday when we were talking you were picky

I wanna cuddle again

Mt head in between your things :0

Get your mind out of the gutter >:(

I still want my head crushed

I can't stroke it for the month of November

Comment deleted by fleperd

I'm gonna be back

I feel like you're sad

You're mad cuz you can't be helping me

You're sad you can't help me

You wanna give me a handjob

I won't ever lose feelings <3

I wanna sleep on your thigh

Like actually cant?

Not til you yell me

♦ ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕖𝕪 ℚ ♦

like i needa be honest w/ u

This

I'll bust another nut

I'll drink water

I'll walk around

I'm passing out 😴

I'm eating a snickers

I'll never go tah bed 😈

The way I want :3

You dunno the way I wanna go out

The gummy bears...

I gotta another present for you

It's hard cause he's small but I make it work

I'm debating of I should give you totaro

Cause of like sleeping with him too

Ima good boy and a good boyfriend

IF I don't I DIE

I wanna be a good boyfriend

I wanna be a better boyfrienf

And what I'm doing is what's keeping my that way

I wanna speak to you smore

I'm eager to speak to the love of my life

Do you know any girl who had a crush on me b4

Not including you

Seth kohl or Seth serena

I swear you have called serena Seth before

But I wanna talk to u

Don't do me like that

♦ ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕖𝕪 ℚ ♦

ill do u thoug

Jokes on you

You said you'll fuck me

In my terminology

ThT means sex for me

Tell me what you're gonna be honest with me aby

Until you suck me off

Until you break up with me

Checkmate Charlie

I'll neglect my body

I'll spereate head from body

Why would I want you dead?

Give me a reason

I love you and want you to rest knowing I'm not harming myself

No words can express or describe my undying love for u <333

tell me what wrong please

What did you read

What fucking happened

Babe you started freaking out

You have me worried

♦ ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕖𝕪 ℚ ♦

no...

You didn't

I won't leave you okay

I plan to spend my life with you

stop acting dumb

It's cute but tell me who they are

O wanna fucking sleep

I feel like you don't love me anymore after I said that

I feel like you just did

I fucking hate myself

I can't not hate myself

Please forgive ne

fleperd

O wanna fucking sleep

This

♦ ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕝𝕖𝕪 ℚ ♦

idec anymore.

Read it from there to here

Please forgive me

I would want to usually but I'm tiref

Idc how crazy it is