Newest Healthiness Jokes - Worst Jokes Ever

CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD
RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE
CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD,
RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE
CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD CHILD
RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE
I am wanted for seventeen war crimes
in Libya, but I do not condone Sonic
the Hedgehog's behavior.
Hey guys, War Brother Chungus here. I agree with Corpse
Stuff. Although Stuff must be held accountable for his
misdeeds, pedophilia is a crime against humanity and
cannot be tolerated in a healthy society.

HAHAHA

Research has shown that
laughing for 2 minutes is just
as healthy as a 20 minute jog.
So now I'm sitting in the park,
laughing at all the joggers.

If the hairdresser is healthy, the cat is happy. *purr* On the other hand, if the hairdresser is sick, the cat is happy too. *purrs on the bed*

You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement? Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.

what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? " they can move it move . ( from king julian)

what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? "im still standing, yeah yeah yeah" (from elton john)

When you're trying to stay healthy but
your demons still haunt you
TY
planet fitnes
M

1. A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied:  "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!" 2. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up", said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?", inquired the teacher with a sneer. "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." 3. A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny?" God said yes. The guy said, "God, can I have a penny?" God said, "Sure, just a second." 4. Putin is held hostage by a terrorist. A Russian truckdriver stops at the back of a long queue on the motorway. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?" Policeman: "A terrorist is holding Putin hostage in a car. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. So we're asking drivers for donations." Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average." Policeman: "About a gallon." 5. A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."  He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?" 6. My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year." 7. After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside. 8. My girlfriend and I are trying this whole "long distance relationship" thing. I have to stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend. 9. The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!" I responded, "Inflation." 10. During my check-up I asked the Doctor, "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then?" He replied, "I doubt it somehow. Mercury is in Uranus right now." I said, "I don't go in for any of that astrology nonsense." He replied, "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke."

Your life is a lie

THIS IS WHAT A NORMAL
HEALTHY HUMAN
83
LOOKS LIKE

Sara opens her lunch and reads the letter inside. "I packed your favorite -love mom," Sara reaches in and announces "yay PB and J," Tom goes in his lunch and pulls out a letter " go bye your self something healthy at the cafeteria -Dad," then pulls out 20 bucks and says "nice," they both look at craig as he pulls out a letter. craig reads the letter in his head, it said "WE HAVE YOUR PARENTS, THEY TELL US THEY KEEP THE MONEY UNDER THER BED. BRING $10 000 TO THE RANDAVOU POINT OR THEY WILL BE KILLED. YOU DIDN'T TAKE US SERIOUSLY LAST TIME SO THERE IS MORE PROOF IN YOUR LUNCH." Craig throughs down the letter and pulls a finger out of his lunch. Tom and Sara look shocked, then Craig says "ugh, severed finger, again!"

A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?" Her mother smiled and replied: Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day. The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy tool the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so hight that we fucked without a condom!

VAPING IS ALSO BAD

DON'T SMOKE!
WHAT A JOKE!
Within 10 seconds of your first puff,
the toxic chemicals in tobacco
smoke reach your brain, heart and
other organs. Smoking harms
almost every part of your body and
increases your risk of many
diseases. Smoking also affects how
you look and feel, your finances and
the people close to you.
Smoking causes most lung
cancers and can cause
cancer almost anywhere
on the body.
Avg. Annual Deaths Attributable to Cigarette Smoking
In the United States, 2005-2009
Stroke 15,300 (4%)
Other
Diagnoses
56,800 (10%)
Chronic
Obstructive
Pulmonary
Disease
100,600 (21%)
As the nicotine levels in your body fade, your
brain craves more dopamine. The longer you
have been smoking, the more dopamine you
need to feel good. You become dependent on
nicotine.
Other Cancers
36,000 (8%)
X
More Than
479,989
US Deaths Attributable
Each Year to
Cigarette Smoking
The nicotine in tobacco is highly addictive. It makes
your brain release a chemical called dopamine.
Dopamine is a 'feel good' chemical that makes you
feel happy helps you to concentrate gives you more
energy.
Lung Cancer Stages
Lung Cancer
137,989 (29%)
Ischemic
Heart Disease
133,300 (28%)
CL
healthy lungs
early-stage cancer
late-stage cancer
Smoking is major cause of cardiovascular disease, such as heart
disease and stroke. Smoking increases the risk of blood clots,
which block blood flow to the heart, brain or legs. Some
smokers end up having their limbs amputated due to blood
circulation problems caused by smoking.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

doctor: you need to eat healthy

me: no

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died

me: oh my goodness

doctor: in a plane crash

me: that sounds unrelated

doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me

all i wanna do is *gunshots* *gunshots* *gunshots* and *click* *cash register noise* unlearn years of trauma and maintain healthy habits and fulfilling relationships while learning how to have solid boundaries and a whole sense of self

Cancer gives you weed .it’s not healthy . T

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup is consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not."

Good For You-Remake-By- watersharky Productions and Olivia Rodrigo- Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah) And good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby God, I wish that I could do that I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it But I guess good for you Well, good for you, I guess you're gettin' everything you want (ah) You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off (ah) It's like we never even happened Baby, what the fuck is up with that? (Ha) And good for you, it's like you never even met me Remember when you swore to God I was the only Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby God, I wish that I could do that I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it But I guess good for you Ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah Maybe I'm too emotional But your apathy's like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Maybe I'm too emotional Your apathy is like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me If you ever cared to ask Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby Like a damn sociopath I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it But I guess good for you Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.