I friend said a apple a day keep the orphan away I said only if you throw it hard hard enough.
One day I went to my friend's apartment and he told me to make myself home. I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors
my wheelchair friend was getting bullied so i told him to stand up for himself.
Friends: You wanna hang with us? Me: No, I wanna hang myself
You learn from the best.
Roses are red my mental health is blue Karen got no mom like you.
31. During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento" When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
32. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. "See that over there? What is that?", says the first crow. The second crows takes a long look, "That's a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn't it." "How can you tell it's a scarecrow and not a person?", replies the first crow. "Look at it's hand. No cellphone", says the second crow.
33. Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside it is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish. “I want to go home,” says the first friend. The genie grants her wish. “I want to go home, too,” says the second friend. And the genie sends him back home. “I’m lonely,” says the third friend. “I sure wish my friends were back here."
34. A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he goes nuts every year when we pass him.”
35. After Sunday church, the priest would hand us each an orange and a big cookie. A little girl once lied and took two oranges, but the priest told her she mustn't lie because God is watching. Then, the girl took two cookies and lied about it. When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges.
36. I was in my garden when I got the news that my father had fallen from a 20 feet ladder and was in the hospital. I rushed to the hospital expecting that my father had some major fractures, but he was alright except for some minor cuts. When I told him that it was a miracle, he disagreed and told me, "Son, I had just fallen from the first step of the ladder."
I heard there was a kidnapping
Don't worry he woke up
In the back of a van
It was his father's
Friend who was a priest
He was just bringing him to church
when my friend fell i didn't crack up but the sidewalk did.
Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much? Me: Because I love miners!
What do you call it when every one of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
I keep trying to call my emo friend... They keep hanging up
me: pretend ur name is “puberty”
friend: ok?
me: IMMA HIT PUBERTY!
*hits my friend*
Friend. Hi
Me. Do you know how lost there dad
Friend, me
Me, damn no not you
Frend,, then who?
Me , the offen kid
I gest were the the same
Me: hey friend!
Friend: yes?
Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, Smelling, _, Tasting, Hearing.
Friend: Touch
Me: what do u spawn on Minecraft always (jk only 99.99pursent)
Friend: Grass
Me: And you get?
Friend: Touch grass
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms. In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
my friend: hey i got 15 kills! me: i got 60 kills! my friend: i didn't know you played call of duty! me: whats call of duty?
