The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
I play saxophone and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason I got multiple restraining orders because I said “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson”, I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
Why couldn't Jesus have been born in Florida?
Answer; They wouldn't be able to find "Three Wise Men", or a VIRGIN!
Wacko Jacko bleached his skin, lit his head on fire, slept in a chamber, abused his pet monkey, built an amusement park on his own backyard, had toys as decor for his home, slept with little boys, raped little boys. Jacko was Florida Man before Florida Man.
When I was your age, we had Wacko Jacko, not Florida Man.
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator? He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up! What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days! What is the state of Texas for? Guns! What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!) What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly! What is the state of Nevada for? Every heard of gambling? What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting! What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)
Their are three states you don't mess with when trying to take over the United States:
Alaska because they have three times more guns than people because of the bears.
Texas because, well, it's Texas. Where else have all of the guns been going?
Lastly, Florida. Florida is the absolute definition of Trigger Happy Redneck.
Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week, I picked the not so big buisness and places to do pranks phone calls. Burger King. Jcpennys. and nighbors. I will tell you what I said. Me: "Hello this is...Zariana and I am from New York." Burger king staff: "Will we work in Florida." Me: "Good now I want a large cake with some salad...with some eggnog...and some baby food" Burger king: "We don't serve any of that ma'am." Me: "And I want it to go please!" Burger king staff: "Sorry ma'am we don't ha- " And I hung up on him right before he could say have. Now JCPenneys ordering. Me: "Hello this is Trina from south carolina." Jcpennys register: "Yes what can I don for you ma'am ?" Me: "Excuse me"? Jcpennys register: "I was asking if there is anything you need help with ma'am." Me: "Sorry I can't hear you...what!" Jcpennys register: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER MA'AM." Me: "I still can't hear you! Say that again!!!" Jcpennys register: "Ma'am can you hear correclty?" Me: "YES I CAN...NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!!!!" Jcpennys register: "No ma'am I was just saying tha-" Hung up. Next one was on my nigbores. Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: "Hello, sorry to bother you but do you know what this word mean fhermkrekm"? Mrs. Jarkinson: "What who is this?" Me: "Ummm...Mrs. Keris!" Mrs. Jarkinson: " So what does what word mean again?'' Me: " fnjfnjrfnjr!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What!!!" Me: "fnjefnj" Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!!!!!! Me: "Never mind!" Hehehe! Hung up on here now Mr. Morris. Me: "Hola Sr. Morris. que pasa" Mr. Morris: "Sorry what I don't speake spanish!" Me: "Está bien ... di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!" Btw I used tranlater app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: "What does that even mean!" Me: "Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!" Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: "No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil ... di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!" Mr. Morris: "Wait but what does tha-" I bet your wondering how I got these phone calls rememberd will I recorded them! I don't how but I did. Btw Not spanish just learn really quickly.
My kids so dam bad.we took them to Disney in Florida.they paid me not to bring them back ever.
My parents came back from their vacation in Florida and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie
There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”
Florida: Homemade Taco Stand
California: Homemade Lemonade Stand
Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand
what place is Flo Rida from, Florida
