The match: Ur my match The thighs: you light me up
A women decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”.
’About 32,’ is the reply.’
‘Nope! I’m exactly 50,’ the woman says happily.<br> A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, ‘I’d guess about 29.’ The woman replies with a big smile, ‘Nope, I’m 50.’
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, ‘Oh, I’d say 30.’
Again she proudly responds, ‘I’m 50, but thank you!’
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, ‘Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.’
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, ‘What the hell, go ahead.’
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, ‘Okay, okay.....How old am I?’
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, ‘Madam, you are 50.’
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, ‘That was incredible, how could you tell?’
‘I was behind you at McDonalds’.
911 what's your emergency burning in toaster toast? yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast set fir to my forest
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
dudeeeeeee if there is a watermelon shouldent there me a earthmelon airmelon and a firemelon the elemelons
What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?
They're both hot but they're both quiet.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 broke into a daycare and ate 12 children before burning the building down.
I got fired from my job at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I burnt down an orphanage and then showed an orphan the orphanage that I burned down and he loved it. Not really though.
boss: you're fired
me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
boss: you're a waiter where did you get those
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside. Thankfully I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
9/11 2001... that day was fire🔥
drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns
Have you heard the 9/11 joke yet... it was pretty fire
Why does fire man wear red suspenders? To hold his pants up
I say a little girl crying and I said where is your parents that day I got fired from the orphanage 🤪
What do you cal a kid in a wheelchair going through a fire ghost rider
Mom can I be a fire fighter when i grow up Mom: oh you wont grow up caillou
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory???? He kept throwing away the bent ones!!
