Confession

Confession Jokes

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes it is.” Boy: ‟I have a baseball.” Man: ‟That's nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.” Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?” Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.” Man: ‟Yes, it is..” Boy: ‟I have a baseball glove.” Man: ‟That's nice.” Boy: ‟Want to buy it?” Man: ‟No, thanks.” Boy: ‟I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad.” Man: ‟How much did you say the glove was again?” Boy: ‟$750.” Man: ‟Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, ‟Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!” The boy says, ‟I can't. I sold them.” The father asks, ‟How much did you sell them for?” The son says, ‟$1,000.” The father says, ‟It's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, ‟Dark in here.” The priest says, ‟Do not start that shit again

A girl goes to a Church to confess.....

Girl : "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest : "What have you done my child?"

Girl : "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest : "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl : "Because he touched my hand."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he touched my breast."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl : "Yes father."

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl : "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest : "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl : "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest : "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl : "But father, he had AIDS!"

Priest : "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

In preschool, i confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as i was, i sucked it up and went back to teaching.

A catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession and while he is inside the confessional booth the catholic priest is sucking his dick and he says to the catholic priest what are you doing father and the priest says it's called giving a blowjob and the catholic gay male says why are you giving me a blowjob father inside the confessional booth? and the catholic priest says if there was no glory hole in the confessional booth my son it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place

Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent ? Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent

A Man: I must confess father Priest: what are you her to confess A Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son Priest: and what happened to your son A Man: He said a man raped him Priest: when and where did this happened A Man: a local church, idk which one Priest...by whom? A Man: A priest he said, he said the priest had black hair and blue eyes. kind of like you Priest: ...shit

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch." "I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,"the father explains as he hauls the child away. At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"