Whenever my artist girlfriend is sad I let her draw things on my body. I gave her a shoulder to crayon
A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time she burst open her bedroom door and she said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand and a 12 inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants and came on your curtains. It's been fun!
Q:What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common? A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warms up after a few strokes
when you look exactaly like your dead cousin and every body thinks she faked her death
FUCKING MENT
The judge asked Bill Cosby for his defense. He used feminist talking points and said "My body, my choice" and "It's my right to privacy." The judge, being impartial, let Cosby go.
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
So here’s Uranus where’s my anus
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on man keep your chin up. Wait which one
yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin
Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog, with a sudden inspirational thought he picks the frog up, shoves a fire cracker up the frogs arse, lights the cracker and blows the frog to smithereens. Now at school the teacher asks the class :" Has any body got any thing for show and tell this morning"? Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis". "Ok Johnny, What do you have to share with the class today"? Little Johnny then says " Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frogs arse" the teacher interrupts and says " It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum". Johnny then says " Fucking oath it wrecked ; him'.
bill really said your body my chocie like my mans it your body MY chocie
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice'"
After long consideration, I’ve decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.
How much balls do you have on your body 2 your butt
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the childs body.
What do you call sweaty tities Humitits
Every body loves guns! Everytime I show them mine, they give me free stuff.
“Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?”
“I think you should ask yourself that.”
When you die, scientists will preserve your skull.
My wrists have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
