Bartender

Bartender Jokes

A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin the bartender said to her I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink and she said not usually but I am doing the bishop a favour the bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening and she said no I am with the bishop tonight.

A man walks into a bar. Sits down and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating for and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said I celebrating my first blowjob. And nah if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

A retard walks into a bar

Bartender: Hey retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard

THank you for listening to joke , sincerly - Jokeman87848584

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.

so a neutron went to a bar, he asked the bartender how much for a beer, the bartender said, " For you, NO charge."

A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks confused and says, "Oh really? You have a drink named 'Bob'??"

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills so he asks the bartender if its a jar of tips. The bartender says no, its for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, well if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month. So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog, when all is silent the man walks in and asks, so where is the fat lady with the tooth?

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. Credit to Sans (undertale)

A jumping cable walked into a bar and the bartender said ̈i will serve you, but don't start anything! ̈

An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names the bartender asks. The American says William Matthews. The Asian says Same Ting

Two kids walked into a bar, they were covered with blood. the bartender asked what happened. The youngest said "Well, we we're trying to paint our basement but we threw the babies too hard".

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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

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A man walks into a sky scraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An on looker watch’s this and is scared but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped cane back up a gain 10 minutes later. The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive and the man said with a drunk slurred voice I “I don’t know every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT! The bartender looks at the first man and says”Your and a-hole when your drunk Superman.”

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

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