A dolphin swims into a bar, and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. he sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger. Mason: heh. good thing i eat like a horse. He looks up at the waiter. Waiter: you are a nasty little bunny, aren't you? Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him.... she was a HORSE.
how can you buy emos. just use their bar code
James Bond: vodka martini Bartender: shaken not sterd James Bond: do I look like I give a DAMN
If jonny ate 29 out of 30 choclate bars what would he have? Diabetus jonny would have diabetus.
why did the prisoner run away? to spit bars
its rly funny read through everything slowly say im a man after everything i say. I went to the bar. "Im a man" you saw this woman. "Im a man" you guys married. 'Im a man' you guys bought a house. 'im a man' you guys went to bed. "im a man" you said. "im a man" she said. "im a man"
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.
“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.
The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”
Orphan goes into a bar and the bartender says im sorry u need parent peemission to enter
Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.
what is six inches, and has nuts, and is hard.
a sinkers bar
A man walks into a bar and say I'm feeling depressed what do you have to cheer me up? The bartender replied: a shotgun
A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.
The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks they decided to go back to her place.
When they arrived she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time she burst open her bedroom door and she said, "I hope you're ready!"
She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand and a 12 inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.
The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"
She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."
The dude replied, "While you were in there I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants and came on your curtains. It's been fun!
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
so heres the joke, A bear walks into a bar and sits down and then....then..........then................................zzzz
A DEPRESSED GUY WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "CAN I GET SHOT".THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "YOU MEAN CAN YOU GET A SHOT RIGHT?THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "WELL..........WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?THE DEPRESSED THEN RESPONDS WITH A "NO I REALLY WANT TO GET SHOT.
The cold winter night there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men where gay but they did not know. Fili: Fili. Kili: And Kili. Fili and Kili: At your service. Kili: You must be Mr. Baggins. Bilbo: No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house. Kili: What?! Has it been canceled? Fili: No one told us. Bilbo: Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled. Kili: That’s a relief. Fili: Careful with these, I just had them sharpened. Kili: It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself? Bilbo: Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that? Dwalin: Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand. Kili: Mr. Dwalin. Balin: Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in. Bilbo: Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste! One of the Dwarves: Get off, you big lump!
Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. it was a bar seat. they where able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it
Two natives sit in the bar getting shit faced. Almost closing time brother you gonna snag yeah I'm taking her home he walks over she gathers her things. Walking out together he takes her to his car outback they stay messing around then start having sex he starts to get carried away he looks at down at her she looks up at him and says slow down cousin your going to fast...
2 Chinese men walk into to a bar. Owwwwwwwwwww they say instead of ouch
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
