I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around, that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender can squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time Weight Lifters, Lumberjacks, men in the Army, and Etc. But still, nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet". After the laughter had died down the bartender said "okay" and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to Total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack a weight lifter or what?". The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS".
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?
Man, I blew 50 bucks in there
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
a man comes to a bar and has a drink then his bully came to him and Stoll his drink then the bully asked "what wrong" the man said that "I trying to kill myself I try getting hit by a Tran but the train went on the different track then I try to jump of a brig but I fell on a bot full of pillows then I try to Posen myself " then the bully say "then what " then man replied you just dunked it "then the man left.
2 men walk into a bar no clue how they didn't see it
A man walks Into a bar and orders a cardigan and soke
Their were two friends talking one day Tim tells john " I THINK I'M GAY " john says to Tim what do you mean Tim says "WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO DRESS LIKE A WOMEN AND SING KARAOKE IN A BAR AND CALL MYSELF" (GILLETTE THE BEST A MAN CAN GET) JOHN SAYS TO TIM I THINK YOUR RIGHT AND THANKS FOR REMINDING ME I NEED TO BUY RAZORS
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse. One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well parter!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
Where do terrorists go for food? The allah snack bar
A Roman the to bar and he,d up two fingers and said can I have five drinks 🍷 pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a weasel before. What can I get you?” “Pop,” goes the weasel.
Indian guy and American guy in a wheelchair met in a Bar for drinks. American guy got drunk and fell on the sidewalk. Indian guy got drunk and walked away.
What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?
An AK-BAR 47
Two guys watching a war movie at a Bar are talking , one says to the other. " The Nazi's starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war". The other says " my Dad died in a camp as well...he broke his neck" First guy says " how did he break his neck?" Second guy says " He fell out of the Guard Tower".
A limbo champion walks into a bar.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean and North Korean all walk into a bar
The Landlord says "why the same faces lads".
ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar,hey said sorry we don't sell food her
