What do u call a emo cappella group
Self harmony
Teenager: OMG, I’m prego, my moms gonna kill me Baby: Lmao, same
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this ain’t no ordinary blowjob.
"What do we want?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
"When do we want them?"
"HEARING AIDS!"
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plain.
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator not a lift" and "it's chips not crisps" etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted "they're schools, not shooting ranges".
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
A priest is drowning in a river... A boat comes along and asks to help him. He says "leave me alone, god will save me." The next day another boat came along and asked to help him. Again he said "leave me alone, god will save me. " The next day the last boat came and asked to help him. Once again he told the boat that god will save him. The next day he died. He went to heaven and asked god "why didn't you save me. " God said "I sent you three f*****ing boats and you didn't take them! "
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, your f**ked.
Why did i walk across the road?
to get hit by a car
My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
If you say to someone "have a nice day!" It will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours" They'll be terrified.
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs. What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
The happier they get, the less they see.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso
Jk Its bleach
I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest so i went as a plane, it didn't fly to well with people.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried
